Are you a people pleaser?

 

Have you ever tried so hard to fit it?

You try so hard to please those around you and do things the way they would like? You speak and act differently. You become so many versions of yourself for other people, that you don’t know who you are anymore or what makes you happy.

I remember a time when I was nannying, I was taking care of this charismatic, strong willed 2 year old. We were having play time and I don’t know if you remember this little game that you did when you were younger — but, he was learning his shapes and colors and he had to place the right shape in the empty place it needed to be in. Well, as any little 2 year old would act, He got frustrated when He saw his square shape not fitting in the circle slot. He was pushing and bending the shape and trying so hard for it to fit in. I tried my best to encourage him to try the next empty slot to see if that would fit and he wouldn’t budge. He started to get antsy and you can see his little eyes squint as each second passes by filled with frustration, I gently whispered and said “try again”.  He took a step back and saw the circle shape and let go of the square and with a smile on his face he proudly put the circle where it needed to be. He was so worked up because he wanted to please me and was so hard on himself, but little did he know.. I was incredibly proud for him even trying. 

How many of you can relate to this story? It can be you picking up bad habits and personality traits that don’t fit in your “empty slot” that you so badly want to fill. Saying yes to things and people that you know you shouldn’t have, just because you feel they would appreciate you more.

So many times we get caught up with what we think can make us happy , but in reality we lose sight of what truly can bring the greatest joy of all, and that is:

Being the best version of YOURSELF.

 

1. Embrace your place

I remember there was a time in my life where I felt so lost and so confused with where I was going, I started to revert back to what I was comfortable with and I can feel a sense of me not truly being the best version of my self. My sweet friend Katelynn spoke this over and over until I finally understood and it was this bitter sweet reminder. ” Monica, Embrace your place. Embrace where you are NOW — the best is YET to come. “As much as I wanted to run the opposite direction and tell her she has no idea how I am feeling, she was so right.

How will we ever find ourselves in the place where we thought we’d never be if we don’t allow it to show us what it is we can find?

I started to embrace each lesson and opportunity and why I was brought to this season of my life and to my surprise.. I started to fall in love with the journey. I started to fall in love with myself. I embraced the ugly and started to see the beauty of becoming me, becoming.. Monica.

 

2. Embrace Grace

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

I believe that the reason why we try so hard to occupy ourselves in becoming someone else is because we are so ashamed of being who we are supposed to be. We aren’t happy with the original so we fill all these empty spaces in our hearts with everything that we can find and we become prisoners to ourselves. We put our selves in people bondage and we feel there is no way out.  Friend, that is a lie.

Embrace grace and gently learn to forgive yourself. Embrace grace by loving everything about who you are that others may not be fond of. You become so consumed by the beauty of being you that what they think or say won’t affect you anymore. There is no one like you on this earth and I believe that makes you incredibly special. Doesn’t matter how old or young or how long you’ve been running from your true identity. It always starts with loving who you are and forgiving yourself in those moments where you wanted something completely different. Grace means that all your mistakes, your past and what if’s now serve a purpose instead of serving shame. Don’t be ashamed of your journey, be gentle with yourself.

 “If forgiveness is the truest form of love, then to honestly love yourself, you must finally forgive yourself.”

 

3. Embrace Letting Go

“Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!” Isaiah 43:19

Just like my sweet 2 year old friend decided to take a step back and realize that it’s okay if he couldn’t get the square shape to work, he let it go and picked something else and it fit perfectly. I am not trying to compare your life to a shape, but simply trying to encourage you that sometimes things aren’t meant to fit and that is OKAY.

That doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. You are incredible. You are YOU for a reason.

We might not always like the place we are in, we might not always be the most gentle with our heart and we most definitely might not be willing to let go, but I want to remind you that when you are done trying to make things fit in — including yourself into something that may not work at the moment.. you will find true joy in the process of becoming you.  You may never know the blessing behind letting go and of being in control may bring you. Letting go of the opinions and words of people over your life. There is a greater voice higher than anyone else’s and He created you to be YOU. When you let go, you create space for something better.

Yes. it’s difficult.

There is STILL moments in my life where I have to constantly remind myself that I am not who I was a year ago today, although my life has changed drastically. I am proud that I can say I embraced my place, I embraced HIS grace and slowly but surely let go of what potentially could of held me back even more.

Let go of the people that make it seem it’s hard to love you. Let go of those who discourage your dreams and your gifts rather than encourage you. Let go of the picture perfect thought of who you think you should be and embrace with open arms the good, the bad and the ugly. Most importantly, let go of the lie that this journey is to hard and you will never get out of it. You are brave, strong and incredible. You have the capacity to believe in yourself, use that. The same energy you put in to please others and the wrong things and thoughts, use that time and effort to being the best version of yourself.

Just like how I mentioned earlier — I was simply proud of my sweet 2 year old friend for trying, just know the people that appreciate you for you, will love you during your trying of finding who you are. They will celebrate your big victories, even your small ones.

I’m celebrating with you, friend!

XOXO, Monica Lissete

 

shout out to my sweet friend katelynn for being a big part of this journey– including my family.

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Processed with VSCO with f2 preset

4 thoughts on “Are you a people pleaser?

  1. Melanie says:

    So so weird I just bought a bag for sweet friend with the same words as the T-shirt you’re wearing … be you Tifal !!! ( which by the way you are!]). I enjoyed reading this! I really got a lot out of what you said about “letting go of people make it seem as though it’s hard to love you”! I have never heard that before… soooo true. Great meeting you and keep that light shining!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Monica Lissete says:

      Thank you so much melanie for stopping by! OOO! I bet that bag is adorable!!! I know, it’s amazing when you finally take a step back and realize what actually matters and those who intentionally seek out the best in you. ❤ xoxoxo

      Like

  2. The Style of Laura Jane says:

    I loved reading this post. I have spent the majority of my life being a people pleaser and trying to do what I thought people wanted. Like you said, I was ashamed of being me. Letting go and embracing who you are can be really difficult, but taking the steps makes a huge difference. Thank you for this. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Monica Lissete says:

      Laura! You have no idea! I know exactly what you mean. There’s a sense of freedom and a little bit of fear that stems from the people pleasing, but even if you do it afraid — stepping out and being you. It’s mind blowing and incredibly worth it ❤ XO

      Liked by 1 person

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